If Wines Were Dateable…

Wine has been romanticized for quite some time, and for good reason. My running joke is that wine makes the perfect partner because it can never break your heart. I’m joking, obviously, but it’s kind of true, right? This then made me wonder if wines were “on the market,” so to speak, which would be comparable to a first love, summer fling, and ultimately “the one”? Below is a light-hearted representation of thirteen wines and the men and women they represent. This then begs the question: Who are you currently dating?

Champagne

Sparks will definitely fly with this date! He’s a dapper man about town with a fun personality and good looks. She’s a classy blonde with high-expectations and a bubbly personality. You’ll most likely score an invitation to the club he promotes for or to dinner at the fanciest restaurant in the city. The champagne date is sure to show you a good time…maybe just for one special night, though.

Pinot Grigio

He’s the nice guy you date in college, but eventually move on from post-grad. She’s the kind of girl you can straight chill with. Her go-to is a low ponytail and minimal makeup. He’s most comfortable in jeans and white t-shirt. They’re the safe choice – predictable, relatable, and dependable – but you may find yourself longing for more when you’re with them.

Chardonnay

This date is the smooth, tan charmer you’ll want to bring home to meet your mom. They mix well socially and will leave your friends jealous they didn’t find this one first. They’ve got a sweet side, but they’re definitely a little more low-key with their romantic gestures. If it doesn’t work out, you better believe they’ll be one of the biggest heartbreaks in your life. Chardonnay could be “the one that got away.”

Sauvignon Blanc

This date is the ultimate adventurer! They’ve traveled from France to New Zealand, always entertaining their curiosities and living the most exhilarating life. A date with this one might include bungee jumping off a bridge or hopping on a plane to have dinner in Barcelona. They’re refreshing – a little bit sweet, down-to-earth, but ultimately have a zest for life’s adventures that will bring out your spontaneous side.

Riesling

This sweet, high-energy date will make you feel like a kid again. A day with this one will include a silly game of mini-golf, followed by a picnic in their family’s orchard. They have an innocence about them – a certain naivety that feels like a first love. The Riesling date will be the one you stay friends with long after the relationship comes to a bittersweet end.

Rosé

He’s the beautiful French import. She’s the gorgeous girl that can be found hanging out by country club pool. He prefers a popped collar and slightly unbuttoned shirt to go with his seersucker shorts and Sperry Top-Siders. If she’s not in her tennis outfit, she’s donning Tory Burch or Lilly Pulitzer. They’re the social type that live for all-white parties in the Hamptons and consider brunch a necessity. Without-a-doubt, the rosé date is the perfect summer fling, best enjoyed young.

Moscato

The Moscato date is the ultimate sweetheart! He’s the kind that will bring you flowers on your first date and leave sweet notes on your pillow, just because. She smells like Juicy Couture perfume and still wears those Lancôme Juicy Tube lip glosses from the early 2000s. Dinner plans will involve ordering dessert first; their sweet tooth is undeniable! Full disclosure: they can sometimes be a little cloying and clingy (the type to leave a dozen voicemails, insist on pet names, and want to move in by week two), but they really do mean well.

Pinot Noir

This date is pure sophistication. She’s the kind of girl who can rock a LBD, ruby lip, and heels like nobody’s business. His closet is filled with smart suits and a ton of leather shoes. They aren’t really the bar type, but the ones you’ll want to bring to classy cocktail parties or invite-only dinners; they’re the ultimate +1. The Pinot Noir date is intellectual, sociable, and a combination of sexy-meets-cute. However, they’ve been through a lot, so they don’t trust easily. It may take some time (and patience) to break down their walls, but they are worth it.

Merlot

This guy is a gentleman, suave and romantic. He’s the kind of man who believes red roses and chocolate could never be cliché. She’s the epitome of a lady, exuding elegance and class. The Merlot date lives a life of luxury, sleeping in silk sheets and indulging in weekly bubble baths. Despite their taste for the finer things in life, the Merlot date is quite approachable. They are always aiming to please others, which makes them a very thoughtful partner. However, because they are often the underdog to Cabernet Sauvignon, they’ll need lots of attention and reassurance that you don’t have a wandering eye.

Cabernet Sauvignon

Cabernet Sauvignon is the charming older man who is financially secure and well-dressed. He may come off as a little pretentious at first, but he’s one of the good ones. She’s the ultimate #girlboss, building her empire and looking damn good doing it. You’ll notice the Cabernet date has a strong sense of self and can be bold and assertive at times. They probably suit you best out of all the other ones out there, but you won’t appreciate their maturity until you’re a little older.

Petite Sirah

If you fancy the tall, dark and handsome dude, Petite Sirah will instantly win your heart. He’s a mysterious nomad you notice across the bar who you instantly find intriguing. She’s a bohemian gal with an underrated beauty and charm that’s all her own. Full disclosure: don’t be surprised if they slip away come morning and don’t surface for a couple of weeks. Since they never gave you their number and aren’t on social media, all you can do is hope they turn up at that same bar again.

Zinfandel

He’s your classic bad boy. She’s your wild-child rebel. They’re the one you date in high school to piss off your parents and just what you need after getting out of a long-term relationship. Sweet at first, they’ve got that dangerous edge! A few intoxicating kisses in and they’ll be encouraging you to do all sorts of crazy things. You may only ride on the back of their motorcycle for a few months, but who cares when you’re having fun?!

Syrah

The Syrah guy is the ultimate “manly-man.” You’ll hardly ever see him clean-shaved, but the scruff suits him just as much as the sexy cologne he wears; it smells of leather, tobacco, and pepper. She’s a feisty tomboy who enjoys hanging with the guys on game day and can arm wrestle with the best of them. The Syrah date is the type that would much rather stay in and cook you a pot roast or grill in the backyard than dine out someplace fancy.